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Sometimes I still see myself in that lonesome bedroom................StarCoreKid [entries|archive|friends|userinfo]

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I'll Always Be Waiting... [Nov. 30th, 2004|08:57 pm]
[Current Mood |soreIsItWeirdThaItHurtsPhysically?]
[Current Music |Emery : Fractions]

I think these lyrics say it all.......

Emery : Fractions

one and three, you're here
(one and three, you're here
to tell me we can't do this)

to tell me we can't do this
(three for three, i'll disagree)


your hair and face against the mirror
as i take the steps to save what's left of me
someone's out when it's over

people steal from you
and they take anything they choose

it's good to see you
i missed you last night
that's such a lovely color
it goes with your eyes
before we fall asleep
i just wanted to say
this all seems so easy
but there's choices to make

can't decide, then look at the faces
we're burning the pages
but ask us why
and hurting ourselves with this false start
resign yourself
and always be (and we pretend)
without the one (it simply gets easier)
thing you need (but it doesn't get easier)
reading words with no replies

when we have these mornings where we can say goodbye

i wanted to mean everything to you
but this isn't right
you keep coming back disassembled and i
keep losing this fight

i won't

dancing under starlight glow
no one in the city knows
confidence can take you
nerves try to shake you
from going all the way

it's not that far

it's good to see you
i missed you last night
that's such a lovely color
it goes with your eyes
before we fall asleep
just wanted to say
this all seems so easy
there's choices to make

we watch the tide roll in
with cold air and coffeecake
holding our words at list
stopping the sounds they make
we know the way to go
we know each step to take
to be here

these words with no replies
stopping we's and starting i's
this need is killing me
and taking me over

i wanted to mean everything to you
but this isn't right
you keep coming back disassembled and i
keep losing this fight
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My God This is Surgery [Nov. 29th, 2004|12:19 pm]
[Current Mood |lovedAnd we're making it work out..]
[Current Music |Rilo Kiley : The Absence of God]

Wow. I can't beleive it. I suddenly feel like I can write again! I can't beleive it. *looks at hands* What has happened?

Soon things are gonna get a lot better. Really soon. *nod* And I'm so thankful for that. I love Lisa. I can't reveal what it is that will make things better. But it's something that will help. I' will save her. She'll save me. We're gonna save eachother. No matter what happens. *lisa cling* Shes all I need.
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Perfection is for the Flawed [Nov. 26th, 2004|03:41 pm]
[Current Mood |lovedMore than you could imagine...]
[Current Music |Rilo Kiley : Accindntel Deth]

Things will always be perfect. No matter what happens. I always have Lisa. I love her. I found my perfect girl. I love you Lisa.

I got Rilo Kiley's newest CD today. I'm listening to it now. And if you look at my current music, and you're wondering. Yes. Thats actually how the title is spelt.

I think I'm getting a digital camera for christmas. That would be cool, cuz I've been wanting one. A lot.

I need to try to remember tommorow to look at F.Y.E. for Rilo Kiley's older album and for Straylight Run albums. Yeah, I'm going to the mall with Josh and Chris. *shrug* No real reason. Fun I guess.

I would sacrafice evrything for what I love. I just keep imagining and it makes me smile. When I think about being with Lisa. Hopefully the time will all pass by quicker than it seems and I'll be with her. And then we will be together foralways.

Rilo Kiley is so good. They just make me sad sometimes.

Things I love this very second:
Rilo Kiley
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Our little Christmas [Nov. 25th, 2004|11:33 pm]
[Current Mood |lovedI Love you Lisa my Princess...]
[Current Music |That music in my head.]

Damnit. Things took a mega turn for the worse. I got in a fight with my dad and wound up knocked out for a couple minutes and with a bloody lip. I really need Lisa cuz this is freaking me out and I'm sorta just freaking out in general. But she either doesn't understand that I'm freaking out and need her right now, or she doesn't care. I'm sure it's the first one though. Because she loves me. mhmm. I sorta also just wish I knew where she was and who she was with. I wont say anymore on that here. Thats between me and her.
...I was watching TV with my uncle earlier and this commercial came on. The kind thats all sappy family kind. Usually I blow them off. Beacause A. no family is really like that. B. I HATE my own family. and C. No ones ever made me happy enough to see anything good. Yet, lying on my couch I find myself picturing Lisa and I in a living room with two kids. And we're all happy. And somewhere in the background that same cheesy christmas music is playing. The tree is in the corner and its decorated with pretty things. And because we're weird, we have halloween lights on our christmas tree. The little jack-o-lanterns and skulls glowing against the green. And theres lots of presents under the tree for the kids. And presents for Lisa. For my Princess. And when it gets late, we send the kids up to bed because santa wont come if they're not asleep. Then Lisa and I head for our bed, where we cuddle and kiss and fall asleep in eachothers arms. In the morning the kids wake us up, and we all go to the living room. We watch the kids laugh and play as they open their presents, and I watch Lisa smile as she opens her present from me and then kisses me with happy tears in her eyes. We sit together and watch the kids play as we talk. Evrything is perfect, because it's with her. Because we are with our children. OUR children. And the gold of her ring is gently reflecting the fire from the fireplace as we cuddle on the couch. Our life is perfect. Because we are together. Yeah, it seems ridiculous. When the love of your life is on your mind, it's amazing what you can imagine. Just from a cheesy family commercial, with cheap classic christmas music. I love you Lisa.
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Today is not Today at all. [Nov. 25th, 2004|04:20 pm]
[Current Mood |blahYech....]
[Current Music |Home Grown : I Was Right About This]

I hate this holiday. I just get to listen to my family bitch non-stop. All day. Grrrarg.

Anyway, I wont waste your time with a long scroll of banter about it. Just the basics. I miss Lisa. I hate putting up with being treated this way. I'm lonely. Thats about the gist of it. *shrug*
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Good fucking lord. [Nov. 23rd, 2004|07:00 pm]
[Current Mood |pissed offget over yourself!]
[Current Music |Death Cab For Cutie : A Movie Script Ending]

Evrything WAS going fine on here. See, I always hated LiveJournal because of all the crap that goes on on it. And now I've got some random person telling me to fucking kill myself? What kind of bull shit is this? And one of my best freinds said something rediculous and because I corrected her I got chewwed out? I'm sick of this shit. You know what? If you've got a problem with me. Go FUCK yourself and don't ever ever ever talk to me again.
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All alone in this home... [Nov. 23rd, 2004|07:45 am]
[Current Mood |depressedI miss Lisa...]
[Current Music |Nirvana : Rape Me]

I hate it. I hate it all. Especially my home life. They just keep hurting me. It keeps getting worse. I'm scared. Theres only a few things I live for. Lisa, Josh, My band, Music, and deviantART. Maybe a few other people (who don't live anywhere near me). Thats a basic list. Now lets see. Lisa is so far away and it makes me cry. a lot. Josh's mom is being weirwd about me and him hanging out lately and we don't know why. The band isn't doing so well, seeing as for some reason I'm the only one who cares all that much. dA is bogging me down with way too many deviations, and I haven't submitted in forever. *emo sigh* I miss Lisa. I LOVE YOU LISA.
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*scratches head* [Nov. 22nd, 2004|04:32 pm]
[Current Mood |lovedby Lisa]
[Current Music |Goo Goo Dolls : Slide]

I feel really lonely. No one is home at the moment. Which isn't actually a bad thing. But it's really creepy quiet. Theres nothing good on TV. Ever. And I'm so bored with my movies. *yawn* Video Games have just gotten old in general. Yeah....there needs to be people around here worth being around. I wish Lisa was here. Or even Josh. I miss them. I feel so lonely. :(
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Heres a survey for ya... [Nov. 21st, 2004|06:31 pm]
[Current Mood |soreI huwt alot...]
[Current Music |Bright Eyes : Don't Know When But A Days Gonna Come]

I still hate evrything here. But I got bored...

Use song lyrics to answer the following questions. Dont forget... only use song lyrics as your answers!!!

01. Are you male or female: "That kid who, if I care about you enough, you could stab me with a rusted railroad spike in the chest and I'd still sit next to you and bleed while I held your hand.” ~Unidentified~

02. Describe yourself: "Now men with purple hearts carry silver guns. And they will kill a man for what his father has done. But what my father did, you know it don’t mean shit. I’m not him.” Bright Eyes ~ Don’t Know When But A Day’s Gonna Come

03. How do some people feel about you: "The picture is far too big to look at kid” Bright Eyes ~ The Big Picture

04. How do you feel about yourself: "Thank you please but your flattery is truly not becoming me. Your eyes are poor. You are blind. You see, no beauty could have come from me. I’m a waste of breath, of space, of time.” Bright Eyes ~ Waste of Paint

05. Describe an old girlfriend/boyfriend/interest: "Oh don't talk of love the shadows purr Murmuring me away from you Don't talk of worlds that never were” The Cure ~ Burn

06. Describe your current girlfriend/boyfriend/interest: "I've never missed you this much, never thought I would, Didn't think you'd feel this far away" Daphne Loves Derby ~ Midnight Highway

07. Describe your best friend: "There’s a hole in your stomach where you hide all your feelings. And I don’t sleep at night, I listen to rain drip from my ceiling." Anonymous ~ The Answer is in the Story

08. Describe where you are: "This house is not a home" Three Days Grace ~ Home

09. Describe what you want "What's best is not right" Daphne Loves Derby ~ Aware, Rust, and Repair

10. Describe how you live: I’m leaving this one blank. It hurts. All I can say is I live for her.

11. Describe how you feel about love "I‘ll cut out my lovers tongue and sing of a graveyard gray and a garden green and then we won‘t have to worry no more." Bright Eyes ~ From A Balance Beam

12. Share a few words of wisdom: "It‘s funny how all your worst enemies turn out to be all of your, best friends best friends." The Shower Scene ~ Brand New
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I JUST WANT HER BACK IN MY ARMS! [Nov. 21st, 2004|05:23 pm]
[Current Mood |crappycrying and missing her...]
[Current Music |The Early November : Fluxy]

FUCK! I can't take it anymore. I can't be near these fucks. I'm sick of living with a family that hates me. I'm sick of being hit. Sick of being critisized and looked down at. Sick of being pushed out of the way because I'm not the same as them. Sick of them treating me like garbage and making me feel like im ugly and worthless and i dont do anything right. I hate it. All I want is to be with Lisa. That's all I ask. And I can't even have that right now. I have to wait. 8 LONG MONTHS. I don't know if I can handle it. I don't know how much more abuse I can take. *scream* I need Lisa. I love Lisa.
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